Final Post: Deanna Currington

"The dominant system doesn't dominate because most people agree with it, it dominates because we can't imagine an alternative."

"Instead of gazing up toward where we want to be, we look down at the places we'd like to leave. This alters our vision of what is possible ways."

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I liked that these two quotes intertwine, and they made me sit with myself for a second and see how my brain works. I sat here and tried to think of the positive side to all the problems I have in my life at the moment, and I found that my mind kept wanting to think "what if this happens?!" I thought about how I do this when I look at myself in the mirror, when I create art, when I talk about myself, when I find love, or when I am trying something new. I find it easier to doubt myself or the situation because it feels safer.  Because imagine the disappointment of getting my hopes up for a positive "utopian" outcome and it doesn't happen. I would rather doubt it in the first place and be surprised by the positive outcome.

 It seems strange that people are more indifferent about being "cocky" and overly confident, but find it so easy to imagine the worst so quickly. The second quote helps me understand the logic better, so now I can correct it. It makes me wonder where that doubt came from in the first place, and how I can turn it off at this point. It also reminds me of something I heard in a Disney movie, Cars and Lightning McQueen was asked, "How did you know you could do that?" and he said, "I just never thought I couldn't."

We need to start manifesting everything we do, even small things

"I am going to make this train."

"I am going to pass this test."

"I look beautiful."

"I am loved."

"I got this."

"I am safe."

Even if you don't see yourself in that space in the moment, you need to say it anyway. If you keep it up and stay consistent, you may even see that our mindset is the start of everything. I believe that looking down at the places we'd like to leave keeps us in the mindset of being "stuck" instead of having the thought that it is possible to move forward. This is why a lot of people give up right before they get to the goal because of that doubt. You begin to doubt if it is possible, or you may even doubt if you deserve it. These quotes are very present now, especially with everything going on. 

The Final Idea

For my performance art, I am thinking about doing blackout poetry. A lot of the time, people who have PTSD or trauma from MST have "out of body experiences" or dissociation. So be able to bring your mind and body together and release and understand emotions/numbness, The poetry page will be from a chapter book, and all you have to do is "redact" the words you don't want to create the poetry. At the end, maybe a few people can read their poetry! ❤